Thursday, August 6, 2015

August and Everything After...Is Unknown.

Somehow the months since mid-March have passed in a blur. A good blur. Like bokeh. The day I last wrote, I did indeed end up making madeleines that I gave to a friend for her 51st birthday. That evening at her party, I had a long conversation with her son. He seemed to be enjoying our talk, and I wondered if he might be interested in me. No, I told myself, he's younger...of course he wouldn't be interested in that way! But several weeks later, his mom put us in touch with an email, and we started emailing. Some weeks after that, he asked me on a date.

Turns out, he was interested in me like that after all! And dating him has been fun...and healing. His emotional maturity is astounding, as is his overall maturity. It's rather mind-blowing to me, actually. I don't know what the future holds, but I am trying to focus on enjoying the present moment. At times the fear that he will leave me slips up from the shadows behind and taps me on the shoulder. I try not to think about that.


I've been working a lot these last couple of months. And I'm still loving ballet! The dance school decided to offer a summer (multi-level, non-pointe) class, so I started that one right after the spring session finished. The class is mainly Ballet II and III students; I am one of only two Ballet I students. In September, I will be starting Ballet II; I'm so excited to get to go on to the next level!

Currently I am pondering the idea of taking classes twice a week, but I'd also like to re-start going to the live-model drawing studio I went to the winter before last. The drawing studio is on the same night of the week as one of the ballet classes. Last year, my ballet class directly conflicted with the drawing studio; this fall it would be possible to do both, but it would mean going straight from ballet to drawing. And I would be about 10 to 15 minutes late to drawing. But it is pretty relaxed and informal, so I don't think that would be a big deal. But would that be too intense of a schedule? Or would it be fabulous to do so many things I love that inspire me and are good for me? Or perhaps I could take one ballet course and add some extra ballet classes à la carte with a punch card, as sort of a happy medium?

This fall should be much calmer than this past winter and spring. I don't have any big artistic projects planned right now. I have an idea that's percolating, but it's in a developmental mental crock-pot stage.

Last month I had a birthdaythe last one of my 30s!which was wonderful, thanks to the planning of my beau. He so sweetly organized a special day for me, and it was incredibly touching to me that he was so thoughtful and intentional about it all.

July also marked two years since everything happened with my ex. I must say that these two years have been long and hard. But this last year was infinitely better than the previous year, and I can see how far I have come in my healing. The new life I have built feels solid and normal; the old life feels foggy and distant. I've changed a lot through it all. My experiences have taught me about myself, about others, and about what I am looking for most in a partner. They've also taught me things I wish I didn't know.


Earlier this summer I bought the most amazing pair of heels I have ever owned. With a zipper and cool strappy leather and metal bits that hang down. Even though I had no events where I could wear them, I bought them because they are incredible. I'm extremely picky about shoes, and these exactly fit the vibe I was going for and I knew not to pass that up.

Then, out of the blue, this week I was invited to a "formal attire" event where these shoes would be appropriate! (If you buy them, they will come?) I own three potential formal outfit options, and I've been weighing them based on how they would work with the shoes. (I looked some online to see if I could find a new dress I loved that was within my budget, but no dice.) All this and I don't even know if I am going! But I figure...I've never been invited to a gala before, so maybe I should make the most of it and go? After all, I do have that silver ball-gown skirt I bought in my twenties and have never had an opportunity to wearand it would work with my shoes.

I also headed south for a visit to my parents and friends. It was my first time back to my hometown since 2012, and it was wonderful to reconnect with people. I don't plan on waiting so long for the next trip back. When I came back to Canada, it was my first time to enter as a Canadian. But I didn't get a stamp in my passport when I went through customs, so I asked the exit customs guy why I didn't get a stamp, explaining that it was my first time to enter as a Canadian. He said they don't stamp Canadian passports! And then he asked if I would like a stamp, and I happily said yes. Now my Canadian passport has a stamp to mark the day I first used it to come home. And it did feel like coming home.


Other random updates:
  • I took a class on building my own website with WordPress and have been working on that. 
  • At the last minute, I decided I wanted to go to the U2 concert in Montreal. I bought tickets that day for the concert two days later. It was amazing, and I am so glad I went.
  • I took a dessert-making class at a cooking school. I have wanted to take a cooking class for about 8 years or more.
  • After months of experimenting, I have now determined my favorite brand and type of coffee beans at my favorite coffee shop.
  • I have also discovered another amazing coffee shop in town (that made the best decaf latte I have had in my life....which also happened to be one of the best lattes I've had, period!).
  • I finally broke down and bit the bullet: I upgraded my phone to one that is not held together by tape. It even has a working keyboard and volume adjustment! And internet that is actually usable! And I can put apps on it! Amazing!
  • As far as sewing projects go, I made a striped jersey maxi skirt and converted some pinstriped dress pants into shorts. I hadn't worn them as pants in about 2.5 years, but I LOVE them as shorts. They look much funkier as shorts for some reason.
  • My stack of unread books is decreasing (even though I have added at least one to the stack).
  • And this week I am fighting off an invasion of fruit flies with a vacuum cleaner and boiling water.
What are you up to these days? How has your summer been so far? (I refuse to admit that it is almost over!)


  1. It's so good to hear that so many good things are going on in your life these days! I'm glad that your new beau is so sweet and thoughtful, and it sounds like you guys are meshing well together. :) And it sounds like you've got lots of awesome fun activities to keep you busy and productive as well, which is definitely a plus.

    I know what you mean about how much your life changes after a divorce, and especially about your life before seeming foggy and distant. I feel exactly the same way about mine, and I too feel like I've come so far and learned so much since my ex and I split. It's amazing the way life works like that, isn't it? :) But really, I'm so glad to hear that you're happy. :)

    Oh, also, those shoes are awesome and you should totally go to this gala! ;)

  2. Alia, yes, life is weird. And time really does heal, thankfully! I am glad that your past feels foggy and your new life feels solid and real, built on how you've learned and grown through your experiences.